On a Wednesday

“Sounds like you’ve built a great life, now all you have to do is live it.” Dave Troger.

I’m finally slowing down and able to reflect this last week

Last Wednesday I packed up the Jeep to what was for sure to be an Adventure. Texas. Going back to hang with family, friends and play paintball. 

We arrived at Paintball Fit Friday, Brad, Lance and I. They were getting ready for the Texas Cup league. I quickly learned the field has been up awhile and we were behind. I asked the owner JD if Lance and I could get paint and run drills.

Here we go!

We started at 10am went to 6pm. Go. Go. Go. Again again again.

At 6:30 night ball began. We played and stayed at the field till 9pm. 

First tournament back was a three man. I was able to hook up with a couple ballers from Chicago and Minnesota. I had fun, it felt good being back in the game. Started the first match by myself. Ran and gunned up the 50 hopefully that a dude was going to walk into my stream. I walked into his. Game over. 5 seconds max. 

Cherry popped. We didn’t move on. 

Sunday was the 5 man. This is how the game is played. Today was going to be work. We got worked.

Work. I have to do more.

I asked the field owner if I could work for paint and field time. Yesterday I cleaned the fields and got a couple hours of gun time.

Today I’ll be heading in to work a little, run drills with the owners and to play under the lights till 9pm!

Thank you Dave.

Waupaca Curling Club

I don’t quite remember when I saw my first game, but I was young. My grandpa and grandma played. When we were old enough. My uncle, brother, grandpa and myself entered into a rookie bonspiel. 

And for a bit of time that’s the last I curled.

Four years ago I started curling. Grandpa was I’ll with cancer. It would be a good bond between us. I called him often, every match we played. He gave me advice and told me tricks of the game. He passed before I became the high school coach.

One of my biggest goals at our club was to become a board member. Last year was very difficult for the club, membership wise. I ran for a position, was told I wasn’t a member, voted in as a member by the members, didn’t win the seat. The knowledge I obtained during that whole time was priceless. A couple of board members resigned leaving openings. 

I was appointed a seat by the board. 

April is the member meeting, where I look to be voted in by our members. 

Where I find myself

Currently in my friends basement bedroom unable to sleep. To date this year has been an interesting one.

Found out dad has cancer

Had a mental breakdown 

Bella and Casey passing

Divorced

Fired

Appointed a board position at the Curling Club

The Corvette is bringing good news

Met a beautiful special person 

New job

Each one of these topics will be written about. I’m currently unable to grasp all the things that have happened. I’m unable to breath. I’m hoping that writing about it will solve this.

 

Time for new shoes.

Keep your right foot on the ground. Now move forward without moving it.

Can you do it?

No. I'm in the same spot. I can't lift my foot. An excuse. Time passes and I'm still here unable to move. Sadness. I don't understand why I can't move my foot, or why this is happening to me. Confusion. Days come and go. Light, dark, light, dark... light, dark. I'm still here. Despair. I'm unable to move.

Yes. I can feel and see my body moving forward. A step. Taking this step feels good. Happiness. I can feel the wind in my hair, my muscle working, breathing is controlled, with my eyes on the goal. Hope. I'm moving forward. 

These are two completely different answers. One answer you know to be true, while the other could also be true. It's up to you.

How are you?

I wouldn't mind a hug.

A moment. A flash, it happens too fast. You were there. You were concerned. You held out a hand.

You opened my eyes.  

Nice to see you Miles.

I love you. 

Egg Shells

I'm not broken

Nor will I ever be

Cracked

A little past due

Not broken

Have no fear when you handle me

I'm not like all the other eggs

Cracked

Still not broken

I love it when you show me with pride

You polish me

See my imperfections

And call it perfection

I'm defiantly a little past due

Keep me warm

Always in sight

Thanks for the wink

Have a good night; sweet dreams I love you too

I'm Not broken

Nor will I ever be

Cracked

A little past due

Not broken

I'm a rock

Rainbow

Twenty Five miles an hour. That's how fast I was traveling when I saw a rainbow about to go under my tire. It just snowed here and a rainbow knitted bag just appeared.

Flashers on, stop and reverse.

It's someone's purse.

A thirty second drive, I'm at the door. No one is home. I left a note.

Ah hour later Richard drove up. He was in tears, we quickly embraced. A deep strong warm hug. I've met this man a few times. Never would I have thought we would be hugging.  He asked what he could do. I said that I was a friend and expect nothing in return. He informed me his wife was about to lose another toe and that he was bringing her wallet to her. He left it on top of the car. He was very stressed. I invited him inside where Bella did her thing. Right on cue she help comfort the man. Smiles and laughter now filled the air. We talked a little, dinner dates were set in the spring.

Our time together could have been no more then 5 min. We followed the rainbow to the end. We found the golden pot.

It was filled with friendship. 

Pucks.

The floor.

At the moment I can not recall how I ended up here. I’m definitely in a safe place and warm. My thoughts are gone; am I dreaming? Memories are flooding back in, love, fear, pain, understanding, clarity, peace. A punch. My best friend just hit me right below the eye and is now helping understand what I’m seeing. I saw the punch. I asked for it. 2 didn't want to do it again; punch another friend. But, he was going to give it a go. He set up, weight shifted, I said “I love you”. The floor

Open 

We talked about what we both learned. I was no longer afraid to take a punch, at least not many. 2 had no fear of punching me. 2 said outright “No one ever wants to hit me.” I said “I will 2." How many times have you asked? I thought to myself. Open.

Love

Do I want to hit my best friend? No. This man is awesome. He married Jessie and I. Has a hockey puck pad in his garage! Solid dude. He wants me to. Problem is, I don’t punch people. In my mind it became a crash. You know it’s going to happen, you can’t stop it from happening, you can shift or direct your path to least resistance. You crash. Love.

Committed

Weight set, target acquired, under the jaw. My fist stopped once connected, I felt weight, solid. Not that my punch was solid, but the man I was punching, felt solid. He stumbled to the couch, sat, stood up “I’m not sure I could take many more of those.” Committed

Understanding

2 and I had an interesting few days. I’m not sure why it happened, but I know it was supposed to happen. You think you know someone. I’ve known 2 for about ten years. Knew, know known, never new? It’s all now irrelevant, thanks to a simple punch. The floor became my safe place. Open to learn. Fear disappeared, replaced by love. Doors which were once locked now open. A higher understanding of each other. We became…

Friends.