Mental Health

How is yours? With today’s declining economy, bleak future and uncertainty my mind is in a constant worry. But, it’s not the for mentioned problems that make me worry, it’s far simpler than that. I’m worried about my own health. It should be no surprise to my friends that I’ve been in a dark place for over a year. Riding the waves up and down not really being able to pull up to where I was a few years ago.

It seems that the hardest thing I have to do in a day is just waking up. I love going to work and riding, but I could stay in bed all day till work started and not even look at my bike. Having my good friend Phillip here for a few days opened my eyes a bit that they way I have been living wasn’t me.

I though coming out here to Tucson would have easily fixed my problem. But I guess it’s not as simple as I thought it was.

It’s time that I take ownership that all is not right and try to change it. I know it’s not going to be easy and in fact may take a long time. I do feel lucky though that I have great friends and family to keep me smiling throughout the day and heading down the right path.

---

I wrote the above 9 days ago. Since, I've been riding the "pride spiral", applying to school, looking for places to live in Wichita Falls and most importantly riding my bike. Ready for the fun to begin. Who am I kidding... I'm already having fun!

Sick.

I've picked up a cold. I've done nothing but sleep and go to work for the last week. It's so nice out here too. Sucks.

So...

This essay is garnering more attention off line then expected. I have 2 pages down. I'm going to cut that dawn to make it "Perfectly clear to you." (A FB Customer) So It's going to take a little longer than expected. If I'm getting this much attention it needs to be solid and well written.

The Shootout Ride

I didn't do it again today. Part of me needs to do it for the El Tour De Tucson, the other part doesn't for the reason of over training. I'll go next week to see where I'm at and then December comes around I'll try and make it every week.

Dating tip #7

Always leave the door open to a relationship. Even if one is ending, you may want to pass through that door again someday.

This advice is brought on by the simple fact that I went on a couple dates with a girl who was moving away. We had fun. Now she’s back again. It’s been a couple years. Maybe we’ll go on a date again, maybe we won’t. Who am I kidding… we will.

I work?

No really I do. I'm a day time stock boy at a grocery store out here.

Busted

Seems like baby jokers are getting popped left and right. I race against them every day. Most do some amazing things that only motorbikes can do. So it doesn’t surprise me. But I know why they do it and to be honest don’t get that mad when they do. We live in two different worlds. I have some education and will have a nice job someday. It’s true I’ve gone and raced in Belgium, but at no point did I believe I could make a career out of racing my bike. Race at the top level sure, but make money? No.

You grow up racing your bike. Maybe you start when you were 6 or 7. Sure you’re good and won a lot of races. Then you start thinking you could make a career out of it, but you’re not winning as much anymore. What are you going to do? You don’t have an education, maybe didn’t even finish school. What are you going to do? Go work in the factory with your parents or take something to keep you in the lime light of winning. To be honest it’s a simple choice. Race all doped upped, see as far as you can get and once you get caught just go work in the factory and talk about the good old days.

Of course that's isn't everybody case. But I understand this scenario.

I’ll just keep on racing hard, putting the miles in, win once awhile and be happy. These others can be as stupid as they want.

Oh yeah… I got second in the uphill sprint on the Shootout ride once. The guy who won is now on a doping suspension. What an idiot.

As my hair grows so does my spirit.

It's amazing how much a change of environment can have on the mind. Since coming to Tucson I've been busy all day, riding my bike, internship, making products and looking for a job.

I'm starting to feel really well and am looking forward to next year. I'm trying really hard to try and get an internship next summer and I'm going to do 2's races to finally get my upgrade points towards my Cat1. so I can do the bigger races we have planed.

Saturday I'm going to do the Shootout! I'm trying to get a little form for the Tour of Tucson.

Not going to over do it thought... it's a long season.

Do you think Leslie will contribute to Shame anymore?

Here's a couple more pillows I've made.

Made it!

I made it to Tucson the other day. Went to my first college football game last night in Phoenix. It was Megan's sorority's family day. I went in with the game of hitting on the moms, then once I was all good with them I work on their daughters. It was fun... I got game when I don't drink too much. I've always found that I work best sober, I was never into the beer courage thing.

---

I opened up a Etsy account to sell my beautifully crafted products. I like the name "yoU by Michael Lalla" we'll see where that goes. My first product is going to be a Chi Omega Duvet cover which I'll be giving to Megan. Hopefully those girls will dig it. I think they will.

---

Riding started too. I'm up to 2 days in a row. I would like to make some claims here soon since I've never really been this low on the bike, but I've also never trained for real. And this is going to be for real. I have a few months and I don't want to waste it. We'll seeeee.

Gone.

Once again I'll be on the road, heading west towards the great ball of fire.

See you there.

I'll miss you Minnesota.

Sometimes I make stuff, check out my Etsy page.

Stuff like this.

Goals

Do I have any? That's the question I've heard from all my good friends this past week. I do have them, it's just they've became lost this past year. I'm slowly finding them again. Here's a few.

Now:
Get to Tucson.
Apply to some internships. (Thanks Collin)
Find a part time job.
Ride lots.

One year:
Graduate college at MSU!
Work at my internship during the summer.
Find a job that doesn't feel like a job. I've been lucky that every job I've had has been fun and challenging. From working at the bike shop to a small publicly traded company, I loved it all. And would like to find that again.
Ride the scooter from Texas to Alaska.
Ride, race and win some.

Five years:
Make enough to help out my parents.
Find someone to share it all with.

What are your goals of me? Expectations? I would like to know, and please be frank.

Crazy?

The other day a good friend said that the longer she knows me the crazier I get. I'm not quick sure what that means, but I think slaving everyday for a mortgage, job you don't like and working beyond your comfort level as crazy.

So if I'm crazy, society is even crazier.

She of course meant no harm, it just got me thinking about personal growth and the future. Who the hell knows? She might be right.

---

I've been selling stuff on ebay the last few days. It's kind of fun selling stuff you don't want or use anymore even if it only sells for ten dollars.

Running has been easier. Taking the dogs out has been fun too. Boggie has some issues with fitness but he runs well. Alex could run all day.

Looking forward to Leslie and Theo's wedding and heading south.

New Start

Over the last year I've had my ups and downs. Fighting mood swings, poor form and not doing well in school. I think I've had more days off the bike than on it. I didn't go into one race this year feeling fit. That lack of form I've found also transfers into other thing. Sex. To be honest, it used to be really fun, but it's now turned into an epic workout where in the end I always get dropped.

Well that has to change.

I've headed up north for Leslie and Theo's wedding and then I'm going to be heading down to Tucson for the fall and winter. First stop will be in NE to see Alex and family and then to CO where my long time friend Chris lives. We're going to do some "14s". Once I get to AZ I'll be getting a part time job and riding full time, then going back to school in the spring.


It's time I keep a little accountability on my workouts so I'll be posting them here along with my other battles. I hope you can enjoy reading about someone who has found himself in a dark place and is heading to the light.

---

Sunday- Went again on another 25 min run. These things hurt, but I can already tell progress is being made. I think it'll only be a few weeks of riding in AZ to get me fit again.

Saturday- Went on a 25min run. Man that was hard, my HR quickly went into upper zone 2-3 and never came down. And I was hardly moving!!! It hurt.

Friday- Went on a 45min walk with Grandma.

Trade me!

As I head west a new beginning will occur. Beer will no longer be my sleep ad, tears will no longer be my friend and hope will replace emptiness. Give me your support, give me you strength, I'll not fail, for my life, our life, depend on it.

Remember life is good. The ups, the downs are why we live. If you’re not living the way you want, you aren’t living. So…. Make a change and live. What’s stopping you?

The decision is easy. It’s life or death.

I choose life.

You?

Change

Into the sunset I go.

I've been reading past blog posts.

I haven't felt "good" in some time. This year has sucked hard core, with few ups and a lot of lows and change would be nice.

---

Being back in Wichita Falls hasn't helped. I can already feel myself slipping into a funk.

Super Week

I though of going to Super Week was going to spark my interest to race and train again. While it's only been a day, all it has done is enforce the inevitable.

Definitely in a funk.

I'm hoping my trip up to Minnesota for a few weeks will recharge my battery.

How do I get back what's lost?

Later... for now.

Just getting busy around here and I am not able to write as much on this blog. You can find me here at the PACC Elite Team Blog or find my friends and teammates posting on Twitter.

Have a nice day.

Sex Appeal

:)

I’m finding out lately that there’s a direct collation of how well I do racing and how well I do in school.

From first to last.

I'm taking another week off the bike.

5 Snow Days

So far I think we've had more snow days then school days. It's been really hard to ride in Da Falls. Everyone of the fast guys in town are not doing anything either. Good thing it's a long season

---

Not much has been going on. Going to race this weekend with about 4 hours of training in 3 weeks. That one should be "fun." I'm trying to get upgrade points so I can race NVGP this year. I still think the Red Jersey is obtainable for myself or someone on our team.

---

I want to go back to LA. Burbank more specifically. Myabe over spring break and get some races in.

---

I bought a new pillow the other day. I think I had the same down pillow for over 20 years. I ended up getting a down alternative side sleeping pillow. It's taking some time to get use to.

---

Ricco is an idiot.

---


Here's to the road.

Finally!

Able to foam roll all the way through my IT Band! Stoked. Going back to the Gold shoes till I get my new ones.

Argg

I have ridden twice in the last two weeks. My knee hurts and there seems to be snow on the roads.

2011 Terra Footwear Bicycle Line

Man... they look fast this year!!! At some point I would like to go back to race/help the team.

I've...

been lame on these posts. Sorry.

Trip Recap

Man I haven't posted anything really... I thought I was going to ride straight through the break but I really didn't. I took about a week off to live and it felt great.

I would like to thank Megan, Andrea and Forest my extend family. I had a great Christmas and a great time with you all. Thank you. Now I have one week left till training camp then a week after that school starts and our first race of the year.

People in this world are truly nice. The key is to surround yourself with people who truly care and want to see you succeed.

Here's to 2011! It's started off awesome already and I see it only getting better. ;)

In L.A.

What now bitches? I guess that's the new saying here... rather vulgar if you ask me. :)

---

I'm not sure I'm ridding enough out here but I feel great and the heart rate comes down quick. So I guess I'm doing okay. But the more important part is my heart and mind are getting on the right track for success again.

---

Grandpa I know you like reading my poems. I'll post one soon.