Frustrations of Job Searching

Bike Ride

On my way home from work

Got laid off, what a joke

Car is on E

Is this what’s like to have a college degree?

Got home sat down typed up some rhymes

Thinking maybe someone someday will pick up my lines

All I want to do is live the American dream

Like you see on TV

Been searching for that dream

On websites like Monster and SHRM

Frustrated to say the least

Trying to stay ahead

Fuck it, I’m going to go ride my bike instead.

 

Cheers

Here I am not feeling so well

Lying in bed if you can’t tell

Almost graduated getting a degree

That’s what the world said would set me free

 But here I am on my knees

Looking for a job- I’m not alone

Flashy insurance man with heavy cologne

Telling me to tell people to sell their souls

                Nahh man that’s not the job for me

Standing now on my two feet

Still don’t have a job, feeling some defeat

 But up here I can see

The world around me drinking Hennessey

 Spending on credit

-You don’t have

 Living large

-You can’t afford

 Giving false hope to the masses

Come on lets tip our glasses

Come on let it go

The world around you is nothing but a show

So tip you glasses lets say cheers

The whole world around you is in tears

 



It's time...

to dust this bad boy off.

Personal Days

School has been going really well. Last semester I picked up 2 As and a B. Not too bad considering all the work I was doing and I was being told I was crazy to take it all on. The amount does hit me though sometimes. Take today, a Personal Day. We all have that day where we wake up and just don’t want to do what we normally do. Like Peter in Office Space where he just sleeps in and then goes fishing. I’m having one of those days. I cleaned up a bit, made some coffee and am about to write some flash cards for a test that’s coming up. So far this semester I’m pulling 2 As again and a really high B or low A. Couple more weeks. Then an online Art Appreciation class in the fall and I’ll be done. For now.

So it’s facebook official. Jessie wants to announce to the world I love her. ;) “She’s one cool chick” Grandma. I like being around her. Best advice I’ve ever got was from my good friend in Minnesota. He told me the best relationships will be the ones where you’re not even trying and that everything works out with no drama, crying or arguments. Now I’ve had some good relationships, but none that have been this simple. Not only does she make me happy, she also makes everyone around her that much brighter.

Having all that time off the bike has hurt. My form is nowhere close where it was at OKC. I think that was the decline of my fitness and I was holding onto it with just 5 or so hours a week. Well I started back up training again and with some advice from Collin I’ll be fit enough to run my mouth again in the peloton soon. 

Summer school...

is wearing me out! I'm trying to find a balance, got to find a balance. I'll get a little more free time after this weekend. I plan on taking some time off from riding to focus on school and other things I have going on.

I haven't seen Jessie in two weeks! She's super understanding. I like her a lot.

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Racing has been going well after JMSR. I think I have been riding is only 5 hours a week then I race on the weekends. Which seems fine for only racing crits. I got 18th at Bike the Bricks and 16th at OKC Pro/Am. It's also cool to do races that pay out to 20th place! With those “results” I was able to pay for rent, entry and gas money to them. Tulsa Tough is this weekend. I think the Watt Posse is going to win some. Hope to see you out there.

2012 JMSR Stage 3

What a difference a year makes. This last weekend PACC/WATT POSSE headed over to Joe Martin Stage Race. We had a strong team with Corey riding very well and Collin setting things on fire the last few weeks. Having a top ten on the GC was a given for both of the guys. While we didn’t end up with both of them in the top ten, Corey got 9th and Collin had a hard weekend on the bike… I mean when you get beat by me in the TT!!! :)

All that aside though the weekend was great and on a more personal note was a total 180 change from last year. There I was on Saturday’s road race, we missed the break with our GC guy and I had tons of work ahead to do. I immediately got to the front to do my job and pull it back. With the help of Rusty we were able to keep them close, but no one else would work in the race. As we were on the front hitting it as hard as we could the time was still going up. Once Rusty and I blew up the GC was up the road. The time gap was like 8 minutes. As I slowly slipped off of the back of the field my mind was a complete wreck. My fitness was subpar, my heart was broken, school sucked, and there I was slowly slipping off the back to ride the next 40 some miles by myself. At one point I came to the realization that I didn’t even want to race my bike anymore. I was sick of the pain, traveling, lack of results and just plain tired. Tears were running down my face, I wanted out. All that I’ve I worked for, going to MSU for cycling, going to Belgium to race and the countless hours on the bike were for what? But I kept on riding, pushing forward at a pace where I could finally see the beautiful stream on the side of the road, hearing the kids clap for me and the corner marshals telling me to keep going. Keep going… as I thought to myself as I dismounted and stood on top of a hill in one of the most beautiful places in the US… I finally heard the birds chirping, cows mooing and the pain of racing was gone… keep going. At this point the tears were far from being held back. When I got to the finish everything was taken down. Racers were long gone and my car was the only one in the parking lot. I wanted to go home.

That night was hard, I talked to anyone and everyone about hanging up the race wheels and moving on to directing the team or being the race mechanic. This decision would have to be slept on.

You can see my helmet just behind the guy on the right.

One year later. We missed the break again, but this time we had Greg Hercules on the team. To the front he went, miles after miles the gap was coming down to the large break. The first 20-30 riders were all single file because he was pushing the 53/11 at a pace which would destroy most. In the back of my mind I remembered last year and how I did that same thing only to be blowing off the back at a quick pace. But, there he was on the front again, even after the big hill!!! With about 10 miles to go the break was back. Greg’s job for the day was going to be our field sprinter for the long run into the finish. He gave up that role the instant he hit the front miles ago. We talked about it and he said go for it.

Ten miles out it was getting fun. Since there was a yellow line rule the road was small, so keeping your position required some bumping, grinding and sharp accelerations. The finish was coming up quick 1000m, the yelling began “That’s my @^@%# Wheel” I let him have it, it was going nowhere. 700m, watching the flow in the top 20, staying out of the ditch and watching for the road cones. 600m, Wow this is coming up fast! 500m, the field swung over to the left, Cagle shot out on the right, only one other person jumped, I was kind of boxed in. 400m, the field flowed to the left. A guy came around me going real fast, a kid jumped tying to get to him, I jumped onto his wheel. 300m Cagle and the Mercy guy were just up the road, the kid in front of me wasn’t catching the 787 rider. 200m the kid threw out the anchor, shit it’s too early to go but I had to start. We were coming up fast and the 2 riders where getting close. I hit is hard as I could on the left side of the road. 100m, I could win this! Am I going fast enough? Was I just leading everyone else out? 50m, I lost the race but 3rd? 40m, a rider passed me on my right. 30m, shit I’m pulling the field and am going to get swarmed at the line. Finish came up fast 4th. And I was leading out the field… no one could come around. A difference a year makes.

Time to take a break and focus on school, go up to Minnesota with Jessie for Muckers wedding, and maybe graduate in the summer. See you all in Minnesota soon. Jessie is excited to meet all of you!

Mental Health Update

It’s true, I may be a little impulsive and irrational sometimes. As I file for graduation I can’t help to think that if I didn’t miss last semester I would be graduating in a month or so. As I look deeper I know that to be bullshit. If I would have stayed in Wichita Falls and tried to “gut it out” I probably would have dropped out of school. Heading to Tucson was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I got fit again, met my beautiful girlfriend Jessie (again), had a fun job, made some new friends, got to wake up to the mountains every day, had a cool internship with Unique Designs by Kathy, got to hang out with grandpa and grandma a bit and had the support of my good friend Megan and her family.

I’m all good now!!!

So the point is?

When you’re low, make a change! Don’t wait to do it. Life is too short to jack around with the stupid shit that happens. Talk it over with your love ones to make sure they know how you’re doing, make a plan to change your situation, and then implement it. If you need help, that’s why you have friends and family.

My only regret of going to Tucson was not getting there sooner. Thank you Jessie, family and friends, without you all I would be in some serious trouble.

Dating tip #8

Put your cell phone away and keep it on silent!

Nothing stops holding hands quicker than having your cell phone in one. Also how are you supposed to look into her eyes if you’re always looking at your phone?

Nothing kills the mood of a first make out session quicker than your partner’s phone blowing up. Your date should be number one priority. It’s all about respect people.

Mental Health

How is yours? With today’s declining economy, bleak future and uncertainty my mind is in a constant worry. But, it’s not the for mentioned problems that make me worry, it’s far simpler than that. I’m worried about my own health. It should be no surprise to my friends that I’ve been in a dark place for over a year. Riding the waves up and down not really being able to pull up to where I was a few years ago.

It seems that the hardest thing I have to do in a day is just waking up. I love going to work and riding, but I could stay in bed all day till work started and not even look at my bike. Having my good friend Phillip here for a few days opened my eyes a bit that they way I have been living wasn’t me.

I though coming out here to Tucson would have easily fixed my problem. But I guess it’s not as simple as I thought it was.

It’s time that I take ownership that all is not right and try to change it. I know it’s not going to be easy and in fact may take a long time. I do feel lucky though that I have great friends and family to keep me smiling throughout the day and heading down the right path.

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I wrote the above 9 days ago. Since, I've been riding the "pride spiral", applying to school, looking for places to live in Wichita Falls and most importantly riding my bike. Ready for the fun to begin. Who am I kidding... I'm already having fun!

Sick.

I've picked up a cold. I've done nothing but sleep and go to work for the last week. It's so nice out here too. Sucks.

So...

This essay is garnering more attention off line then expected. I have 2 pages down. I'm going to cut that dawn to make it "Perfectly clear to you." (A FB Customer) So It's going to take a little longer than expected. If I'm getting this much attention it needs to be solid and well written.

The Shootout Ride

I didn't do it again today. Part of me needs to do it for the El Tour De Tucson, the other part doesn't for the reason of over training. I'll go next week to see where I'm at and then December comes around I'll try and make it every week.

Dating tip #7

Always leave the door open to a relationship. Even if one is ending, you may want to pass through that door again someday.

This advice is brought on by the simple fact that I went on a couple dates with a girl who was moving away. We had fun. Now she’s back again. It’s been a couple years. Maybe we’ll go on a date again, maybe we won’t. Who am I kidding… we will.

I work?

No really I do. I'm a day time stock boy at a grocery store out here.

Busted

Seems like baby jokers are getting popped left and right. I race against them every day. Most do some amazing things that only motorbikes can do. So it doesn’t surprise me. But I know why they do it and to be honest don’t get that mad when they do. We live in two different worlds. I have some education and will have a nice job someday. It’s true I’ve gone and raced in Belgium, but at no point did I believe I could make a career out of racing my bike. Race at the top level sure, but make money? No.

You grow up racing your bike. Maybe you start when you were 6 or 7. Sure you’re good and won a lot of races. Then you start thinking you could make a career out of it, but you’re not winning as much anymore. What are you going to do? You don’t have an education, maybe didn’t even finish school. What are you going to do? Go work in the factory with your parents or take something to keep you in the lime light of winning. To be honest it’s a simple choice. Race all doped upped, see as far as you can get and once you get caught just go work in the factory and talk about the good old days.

Of course that's isn't everybody case. But I understand this scenario.

I’ll just keep on racing hard, putting the miles in, win once awhile and be happy. These others can be as stupid as they want.

Oh yeah… I got second in the uphill sprint on the Shootout ride once. The guy who won is now on a doping suspension. What an idiot.

As my hair grows so does my spirit.

It's amazing how much a change of environment can have on the mind. Since coming to Tucson I've been busy all day, riding my bike, internship, making products and looking for a job.

I'm starting to feel really well and am looking forward to next year. I'm trying really hard to try and get an internship next summer and I'm going to do 2's races to finally get my upgrade points towards my Cat1. so I can do the bigger races we have planed.

Saturday I'm going to do the Shootout! I'm trying to get a little form for the Tour of Tucson.

Not going to over do it thought... it's a long season.

Do you think Leslie will contribute to Shame anymore?

Here's a couple more pillows I've made.

Made it!

I made it to Tucson the other day. Went to my first college football game last night in Phoenix. It was Megan's sorority's family day. I went in with the game of hitting on the moms, then once I was all good with them I work on their daughters. It was fun... I got game when I don't drink too much. I've always found that I work best sober, I was never into the beer courage thing.

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I opened up a Etsy account to sell my beautifully crafted products. I like the name "yoU by Michael Lalla" we'll see where that goes. My first product is going to be a Chi Omega Duvet cover which I'll be giving to Megan. Hopefully those girls will dig it. I think they will.

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Riding started too. I'm up to 2 days in a row. I would like to make some claims here soon since I've never really been this low on the bike, but I've also never trained for real. And this is going to be for real. I have a few months and I don't want to waste it. We'll seeeee.

Gone.

Once again I'll be on the road, heading west towards the great ball of fire.

See you there.

I'll miss you Minnesota.

Sometimes I make stuff, check out my Etsy page.

Stuff like this.